Scripture for Your Inner Outcasts

Transcript

"But whoever obeys and teaches these commandments will be called greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

You are listening to Scripture for Your Inner Outcasts. Today is March 11th, 2026, Wednesday of the Third Week of Lent. Today we are joined by clinical psychologist Dr. Peter Malinoski, the co-founder and president of Souls and Hearts and host of our sister podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics.

So good to be back with you, Dr. Peter here. This is Wednesday of the Third Week of Lent. I'm focusing on Matthew 5 verse 19. This is where our Lord says, "But whoever obeys and teaches these commandments will be called greatest in the kingdom of heaven." The teachings of Jesus, his commandments, the teachings of the Catholic Church, they help us to see what's real. Clarity is one of the eight C's of internal family systems. Clarity in the natural realm, though, is not enough to know everything. Some things have to be revealed by God. So often there is not clarity within, which is why our Lord provides us clarity in his commandments, in the teachings of the church. Now I want to talk with you about something really serious. I know that you have deep unmet needs for nurturance, for affection, for love, for connection. You have deep needs that have not yet been met. And for some of you, you will reach out in ways trying to get those needs met, trying to get those needs met often by other people. One of the ways that that often happens is through extramarital affairs. I really believe that extramarital affairs begin with the unmet attachment needs carried by exiles. And so it can seem so powerful for an exile that this is the answer, that this is what I've needed, that this is what I've waited for, that this other person who I'm attracted to can actually meet my needs.

And I've been starving. I've been wasting away. I've been hopeless. But here is the answer. At least it seems that way. And it's not. It's not. But exiles, limited vision you have. And I know that it can feel that way, but it doesn't necessarily mean that it is that way. Some people would say that affairs are often motivated by firefighters. And I would say that's true. Often, though, firefighters are exiled, so often the managers will not allow awareness of the sexual or romantic attractions to someone other than one's spouse. Sometimes it's just too threatening, so those get suppressed and you get what then is called the revenge of the repressed, where because it could not be addressed directly, using the intellect and the will, because it got suppressed, because it got repressed. It comes back with a vengeance, through acting out. And it happens a lot. The surveys say usually somewhere between 23, up to 40%, of Catholic spouses are involved in some sort of extramarital affair, physical affair, and more get involved in emotional affairs or what are sometimes called like nonsexual affairs, where there's an emotional enmeshment. There's a kind of emotional intimacy with somebody other than one's spouse that crosses the lines.

And again, I see that as exiles trying to get your needs met. And that can be just so compelling when there is that hope. Whoever obeys and teaches these commandments will be called greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And the clarity is often not within. When we're really hurting, when we're desperate, the clarity comes through what has been definitively given us by God. And once we get in right relationship, once there is order coming within, that clarity happens also inside of us. That's why affairs are always so fraught with so much confusion and so much inner chaos. So I just want to reach out to any parts that might be considering an emotional affair or physical affair. Remember what our Lord is saying and he has a plan for each of our parts, a plan in his love, in his providence. And I know this is really hard. If you are aware of a desire, you know, and an impulse toward an affair with somebody, get help. Let's get into therapy. Let's talk about it with a confessor or spiritual director. Let's get some light on this so that it doesn't turn into something that could be very devastating for a family, for a marriage, and for yourselves. My prayers are with you, especially any of you that are suffering with sexual temptations toward affairs.

For our further exploration of attachment needs and integrity needs, check out our sister podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics episode 62, which you will find linked in the description of today's show.

And we'll bring this to a close by invoking our patroness and our patrons. Our Lady, our Mother, Untier of Knots, pray for us. Saint Joseph, pray for us. Saint John the Baptist, pray for us.